the source is my resonance
I self-published a poetry journal – the 1st 30 under penname, c.l. jack in May of 2020 after experiencing an uplift in my productivity and desire to tie together a seven-year journey-journal. It was ready.. I suppose or I was ready. Lessons were learned.. and chapters were closed.. but it was part of my journey.. and it was filled with beautiful human emotion…
It was time to let it go as a point of completion rather than continuation.
The point of publishing this piece was for me. I never sought to market it, share it widely, or announce that I’ve published something publicly that is so blatantly bare and unprotected. Bare to receive humiliation, criticism, judgement… and unprotected from the way it may negatively collide with a professional career.
Following the release of this point of completion, for the next few years, I would begin exploring again. While that might not make sense to anyone, it makes sense knowing what I published. So, I explored. The ways humans operate, how my generation behaves, dates, decides what is ‘fun’, and the wonderfully conflicting politics of adulthood and action.
The more time I spent exploring the normalcy of today, the more I found I would rip myself apart thinking I was the one who showed up late. I was further from the spiritual journey I remembered, disconnected from source, and generally unhappy on the inside.
The more time I spent trying to match up, the more I found myself… without.
It was not long before I was without motivation.. without purpose.. without fulfillment.. it felt like I was fighting the devil. While there were moments in light, there were certainly more battles against its extinguisher than support from its igniter. I was connected to source – and then I wasn’t. If this phase was a test to remain true to my spiritual and religious beliefs, I certainly failed.
I experienced the light, the frequencies, source, my God, the Universe, a state of enlightenment, heart opening, and kundalini awakening… and to be cut off from that.. well.. it is pure punishment.
Could this be the resonance of our vibration and frequency? How does it come and go, and why is it connected to the state of human wellbeing?
Was I then changing my resonance by publishing my journal or was the resonance I was in letting it go? Was it the resonance that changed during my immersion with society that disconnected me from the resonance required to be with source? Again, a vessel of progress, desperate for the high to return, unaware of the lessons presented and the challenge to fight the darkness while maintaining the light.
There’s always a change in the wind, a tower moment, a moment of final release, a letting go or acceptance. The darkness had won a battle – I acknowledged it – and it woke me up to the distance that I created between me and source – and what it has left me with. A void.
Recognition of the void and its connection to source. Hello lesson. I have arrived at realization. I found and cut an attachment that rooted itself in darkness, unbeknownst to me, and I was carrying it around with me. Allowing it to overshadow the light. My light.
Oh, cringeworthy despair you funny friend. How my self-inflicted towers are the best decisions I make for myself in these unintended and unpredictable ways.
I started seeing flashes of the once formidable resonance again. I felt the warmth of God in my heart – and how that warmth can be transferred through a hug. I felt the resonance is returning. I felt my relationship with source open again. The stream of thought, written word, vision, dream, and love so deeply – with my God.
Something is calling me again, albeit this time, it’s not just one. It’s not just the spiritual path or my God, it’s both. It’s balance. I am not sure if that means God or Earth. But I am seeking this light all over again.. on a different path.. with more knowledge.. and with a welcome embrace.
At this moment, I am confident in this statement: I will always be without if I am not connected to source.
Source is my resonance.
brittcorsi.com 
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